本文我要請朋友討論一下{憂傷藍花}/ 蓓納蘿.費兹吉羅(Penelope Fitzgerald)著 ; 陳蒼多譯，臺北縣三重市 : 新雨, 2002[民91]的一些翻譯。我的原文書根據：Penelope Fitzgerald的Everyman's Library小說合集：
| The bookshop ; The gate of angels ; The blue flower / Penelope Fitzgerald ; with an introduction by Frank Kermode |
http://hcbooks.blogspot.tw/2015/12/penelope-fitzgerald-1916-2015.html
The blue flower 的傳主是 Novalis： 作者Penelope Fitzgerald根據20世紀末葉的德文版 Novalis全集寫出此本傳記小說。The novel 'Heinrich von Ofterdingen' contains the "blue flower", a symbol that became an emblem for the whole of German Romanticism.
- 小説 Heinrich von Ofterdingen（1801年、未完、日本語訳『青い花』）
諾瓦利斯（Novalis，1772年5月2日－1801年3月25日），原名格奧爾格·菲利普·弗里德里希·弗雷赫爾·馮·哈登柏格（Georg Philipp Friedrich Freiherr von Hardenberg ），德國浪漫主義詩人、作家、哲學家。著有詩歌《夜之讚歌》（1800），《聖歌》（1799），小說《海因里希·馮·奧弗特丁根》等。當然，Wikipedia 的英文版資訊更豐富：English
生平[編輯]諾瓦利斯出生於薩克森地區一個古老貴族家庭，父親是海恩胡特兄弟會成員。1790年先後在耶拿、萊比錫和維騰堡學習，結識了席勒、施勒格爾等人。1791年發表詩歌處女作大學讀的是法律。也受過自然科學訓練。費希特和波莫爾的哲學，尤其是新柏拉圖主義，都給他很大影響。1799年參與地質考察並成為鹽場文職人員，與歌德數次會面。1800年成為圖林根公職律師。1801年病逝於魏森費爾斯。[1]
Penelope Fitzgerald's last work, The Blue Flower, is a historical fiction about Novalis, his education, his philosophical and poetic development, and his romance with Sophie.
簡單譯評與討論：
決定讀這本"傳記小說"，因為Penelope Fitzgerald的英文、德文 (傳主是德國詩人Novalis)很好，值得學習。
開章之前引Novalis的斷簡："Novels arise out of the shortcomings of history." 歷史有所不足 (缺憾)，小說才興起。
陳教授翻譯為"小說崛起於缺乏歷史的時代。"
In the Hardenberge's house there was an angel, August Wilhelm Bernhard, fair as wheat. (第3章開頭)
陳教授翻譯"長得很俊俏"。
我想這是形容髮色如金麥色的表示方式，參考fair-haired.
| HC譯評： 憂傷藍花 The blue flower / 蓓納蘿.費兹吉羅(Penelope Fitzgerald)著 ; 陳蒼多譯 |
臺北縣三重市 : 新雨, 2002[民91]
陳譯在開始的"作者的話" (AUTHOR'S NOTE 作者註)就有一嚴重錯誤：The Description of an operation without an anaesthetic is mostly taken from....
"沒用麻醉劑的手術之描述主要根據....." 陳譯為："書中真實而不加美化地描述手術的場景....."。
第一段的翻譯也有幾個問題，包括原文沒有"在本人撰寫本書過程中提供了許多幫助"等話 (編出五卷"全集"，對作者寫傳記小說幫助大，應改謝。)
|
Eyeballs pierced, feet hacked off and tongues cut in two - and all WITHOUT anaesthetic
-----
沒把握處：
to keep many matters from the Freiherr, in order to spare his piety on the one hand, on the other, not to provoke his ferocious temper.陳譯：有很多事不讓男爵知道，一方面是為了免於他表現虔誠的模樣， 一方面也是不去刺激他暴躁的脾氣。鍾譯：有很多事瞞著男爵，一來不要讓他喪失深信的(不欺人) 教誨，又不想去激怒他。
梁永安：一來是為了不動搖他的虔誠
張華：一來不想和他虔誠的信念唱反調，二來免得招惹他的火爆脾氣。
------
The Freiherr asked whether not even one sign of moral grace had been detected in his son. The Prediger avoided a reply.
The mother, poor Auguste, who son become sickly (although she out lived all but one of her eleven children) and seemed always to be looking for someone to whom to apologise, begged to be allowed to teach Fritz herself.
The Freiherr asked whether not even one sign of moral grace had been detected in his son. The Prediger avoided a reply.
The mother, poor Auguste, who son become sickly (although she out lived all but one of her eleven children) and seemed always to be looking for someone to whom to apologise, begged to be allowed to teach Fritz herself.
----
第14章：
特別介紹一本科技書Foundations of Mining and Saltworks的目錄：
翻譯者將specification和consists 都有特別/不理想的翻譯，譬如說：
Part 1：In What Mineralogy Consists 礦物學的基礎
Part 3：In What the Specification of Aboveground Earth Consists 地上部分的特殊項目的基礎
參考：aboveground, underground； specifics, specification, irregular, scrap (SMALL...
本章有首詩，accept my little rhymes 譯成"接受我小小的韻文"，rhymes 意 ((集合的)) 韻文，詩
這段翻譯有問題：
Just was forty-six. The melancholy of approaching mortality han been one of his reasons, fir, for sending for his niece, then, in good time for marriage.
陳譯：賈斯特是四十六歲。他先請來姪女，然後自己適時結了婚，原因之一是，他年事漸高，難免感到憂鬱。
梁永安：部分是因為行年漸長，感慨人生幾何，他先是把侄女找來相見又快快娶了個老婆。
-----
Howard Chang 她早先已經叫馬僮把冷杉木的大樹枝搬進屋子，堆在書房裡。她自己有鑰匙，每次打開門，一股芬香的綠色氣息爭先湧進走道，就像森林大步走進屋內一樣。
----
22章有段在23章會再提到，也是本書重要的參考圖樣：Essays on Physiognomy by Johann Caspar Lavater , Thomas Holcroft
是小說主人公的"教科書"，內有人模仿拉飛爾25歲的銅板畫，小說中說，他怎麼跟12歲多的女主角如此神似： (陳譯沒翻譯清楚，頁102)...This picture had exactly the air of Sophie. From the copperplate, of course, you couldn't tell the colour, or the tonality of the flesh, only that the expression was unworldly and humane (陳譯：很具心靈與人情的意味)and that the large eyes were dark as night.
-----
陳譯本完全無注解。
在一些文化中，聖誕老人身旁跟隨著Knecht Ruprecht，或是稱作「黑彼得」（Black Peter）的傢伙。
第14章：
特別介紹一本科技書Foundations of Mining and Saltworks的目錄：
翻譯者將specification和consists 都有特別/不理想的翻譯，譬如說：
Part 1：In What Mineralogy Consists 礦物學的基礎
Part 3：In What the Specification of Aboveground Earth Consists 地上部分的特殊項目的基礎
參考：aboveground, underground； specifics, specification, irregular, scrap (SMALL...
本章有首詩，accept my little rhymes 譯成"接受我小小的韻文"，rhymes 意 ((集合的)) 韻文，詩
這段翻譯有問題：
Just was forty-six. The melancholy of approaching mortality han been one of his reasons, fir, for sending for his niece, then, in good time for marriage.
陳譯：賈斯特是四十六歲。他先請來姪女，然後自己適時結了婚，原因之一是，他年事漸高，難免感到憂鬱。
梁永安：部分是因為行年漸長，感慨人生幾何，他先是把侄女找來相見又快快娶了個老婆。
-----
聖誕節近了，手中研究的這本傳記小說有段聖誕樹的記載，
She had already made the stable-boys bring fir-tree boughs into the house and heap them up in the library. She kept the key herself. Whenever she opened the door an overwhelmingly spicy green breath crowded out into the passage, as though the forest had marched into the house.陳譯： 她已經要馬廄的男孩把冷杉木大數枝帶進房子，堆積在書室中。她自己保有鑰匙。每當她打開門， 一種非常芬香的綠色氣息就會湧進走道， 好像森林大步前進到房子裡面。 (頁111)
請求永安和張華兄談談上段的翻譯改善。
Howard Chang 她早先已經叫馬僮把冷杉木的大樹枝搬進屋子，堆在書房裡。她自己有鑰匙，每次打開門，一股芬香的綠色氣息爭先湧進走道，就像森林大步走進屋內一樣。
----
22章有段在23章會再提到，也是本書重要的參考圖樣：Essays on Physiognomy by Johann Caspar Lavater , Thomas Holcroft
是小說主人公的"教科書"，內有人模仿拉飛爾25歲的銅板畫，小說中說，他怎麼跟12歲多的女主角如此神似： (陳譯沒翻譯清楚，頁102)...This picture had exactly the air of Sophie. From the copperplate, of course, you couldn't tell the colour, or the tonality of the flesh, only that the expression was unworldly and humane (陳譯：很具心靈與人情的意味)and that the large eyes were dark as night.
-----
陳譯本完全無注解。
而第23章有太多需要注解的。
Her step father is an influence upon her, and I see now that jollity is as relentless as piety.
Someone might be disillusioning him - (she fear this every Christmas) - and without intending to do so, destroy his belief in Knecht Rupert.
作者似乎將德英文搞混：
Knecht Ruprecht - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Knecht Ruprecht (English: Farmhand Rupert or Servant Rupert) is a companion of Saint Nicholas as described in the folklore of Germany. He first appears in ...
沒有留言:
張貼留言