余光中對夏濟安、喬志高、湯新楣翻譯的評論
《現代漢語的西化》文摘(原文是我補上)
下面且將夏濟安先生所譯《古屋雜憶》(The Old Manse: by Nathaniel Hawthorne)摘出一段為例:
Houses of any antiquity in New England are so invariably possessed with spirits that the matter seems hardly worth alluding to. Our ghost used to heave deep sighs in a particular corner of the parlor, and sometimes rustled paper, as if he were turning over a sermon in the long upper entry,--where nevertheless he was invisible, in spite of the bright moonshine that fell through the eastern window.
新英格蘭凡是上了年紀的老宅,似乎總是鬼影幢幢,不清不白,事情雖怪,但家家如此,也不值得一提了。我們家的那個鬼,常常在客廳的某一個角落,喟然長歎;有時也翻弄紙張,簌簌作響,好像正在樓上長廊裡研讀一篇講道文——奇怪的是月光穿東窗而入,夜明如畫,而其人的身形總不得見。[夏濟安譯《古屋雜憶》]
夏濟安的譯文純以神遇,有些地方善解原意,在中文裡著墨較多,以顯其隱,且便讀者,不免略近意譯,但譯文仍是上乘的,不見“西而不化”的痕跡。
再從喬志高先生所譯《長夜漫漫路迢迢》(Long Day’s Journey into Night: by Eugene O’Neill)錄一段對話:
TYRONE: It's more than you're worth, and you couldn't get that if it wasn't for me. If you weren't my son, there isn't a manager in the business who would give you a part, your reputation stinks so. As it is, I have to humble my pride and beg for you, saying you've turned over a new leaf, although I know it's a lie! [Long Day’s Journey into Night, Act I]
你的薪水也不少,憑你的本事要不是我你還賺不到呢。要不是看你父親的面子沒有一家戲園老闆會請教你的,你的名聲實在太臭了。就連現在,我還得不顧體面到處替你求情,說你從此改過自新了——雖然我自己知道是撒謊![喬志高譯《長夜漫漫路迢迢》]
夏濟安的譯文裡,成語較多,語氣較文,句法較鬆動。喬志高的譯文句法較緊,語氣較白,末句更保留倒裝句式。這是因為夏譯要應付19世紀中葉的散文,而喬譯面對的是20世紀中葉的對白。二譯在文白上程度有異,恐怕和譯者平日的文體也有關係。茲再節錄湯新楣先生所譯《原野長宵》(My Antonia: by Willa Cather):
WINTER COMES DOWN SAVAGELY over a little town on the prairie. The wind that sweeps in from the open country strips away all the leafy screens that hide one yard from another in summer, and the houses seem to draw closer together. The roofs, that looked so far away across the green tree-tops, now stare you in the face, and they are so much uglier than when their angles were softened by vines and shrubs.[ My Antonia: Book 2 Chapter 6]
隆冬在一個草原小鎮上來得很猛,來自曠野的寒風把夏天裡隔開一家家庭院的樹葉一掃而光,一座座的房屋似乎湊近在一起。屋頂在綠蔭中顯得那麼遠,而現在卻暴露在眼前,要比以前四周綠葉扶疏的時候難看得多。[湯新楣譯《原野長宵》]
三段譯文相比,夏譯不拘小節,幾乎泯滅了原作的形跡;喬譯堅守分寸,既不推衍原作,也不放任譯文;湯譯克己禮人,保留原作句法較多,但未過分委屈中文。換句話說,夏譯對中文較為照顧,湯譯對於原作較為尊重,喬譯無所偏私。三段譯文都出於高手,但論“西而化之”的程度,夏譯“化”得多,故“西”少;湯譯“化” 得少,故“西”多;喬譯則行平中庸之道。純以對中文的西化而言,夏譯影響不大——輸入的英文句法不多,當然“教唆’讀者的或然率也小。湯譯影響會大些--輸入的英文句式多些,“誘罪率”也大些;當然,湯譯仍然守住了中文的基本分寸,所以即使“誘罪”,也無傷大雅。
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陳文發問中國有本古典文學名著屬名張華
我說,非此張華,此以Alice 2書之翻譯出名
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越簡單的字越容易翻錯:談Man 的誤解
《愛麗絲)故事中最常見的翻譯錯誤是man字。這個字出現在《愛麗絲鏡中奇遇》第二章
“I declare it’s marked out just like a large chessboard!” Alice said at last. “There ought to be some men moving about somewhere—and so there are!”
她看了好一會才說:「我說,這真像個大棋盤,裡面應該有些棋子 在走動才對。啊,真的有欸!」
一般翻譯都把上面的man翻譯成「人」。金隄在《等效翻譯探索》頁97中說:「在實際語言環境中,『men≠人』的機會更要大得多,」
Man在《愛麗絲鏡中奇遇》第6章又出現一次:
All the King's horses and all the King's men.
一般翻譯是「國王所有的人和馬」,書則名簡化為《國王的人馬》,根據「相對譯法」,其實這裏的man應該是「士兵」,而不是「人」。
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